Ok, so I haven't had a sexual visitation from any god, but it is time for me to start this project. I thought a lot about what to name this blog. Names are so important. It sets the tone, sometimes for your whole life. The name I am shedding meant dark, melancholy, you get the idea. I loved the sound of it and the look of it. I loved that my mother first heard it in Gone With The Wind. I loved that my father decided how to spell it, to make sure it was different, rhythmic, and balanced. But it no longer suits me. We name things to understand them, sort them, identify them, and remember them. I now find myself in the peculiar situation of having to rename myself. My wife suggested that I use a last name that could be a first name. I wanted it to be literary. I needed something new, yet struggled to lose all of my old name. But once the parameters were set, the choice was perfect and obvious. I choose (removed for anonymity). A little bit of old, a little bit of new, a sailor, a writer, a New Englander, a romantic. It suggests the image of a little town, somewhere quaint, still with a strong sense of the vast countryside that surrounds it. It could be a new board game, a movie title, a concept. It looks and sounds French. It seems just right.
Now that I've introduced myself, it brings me back to the name of this blog. It is my goal to write commentary that will be entertaining and useful for the masculine leaning side of the transgender community. I write from the perspective of an individual who was born into a female body who does not identify with the female sex. My gender identification is decidedly "male," although that term means many different things to many different individuals. Although I write from this perspective, it is also my intention that anyone who is not trans masculine identified, will enjoy reading and learning from this blog, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, race, etc.. I sat for a while and pondered what I'd like the FTM to stand for. Female to Male was the obvious implication, but what else could I make of it. For The Men, Fuck That Man, Feel The Movement, From The Mouth, Feel That Muscle, Fondle This Mustache. I could go on forever. FTM will remain a constant, but I'll change the biline here and there just to keep it interesting and to reflect my state of mind, like a textual mood ring. But the inaugural title must be dedicated to my father.
Of all the male role models I've identified with in my lifetime, he above all others, is my template for masculinity. I haven't told my parents that I am transgendered, yet. I hope to do it in the next few days. I just started coming out. I've just started a lot of things, with many more firsts to come. With all of these firsts come daily learning experiences. The observations are endless. Every time I walk out the door it's like going to Boy School. I wish my father could be here. I wish he could teach me everything I should have learned these last 37 years. He has taught me some secrets over the years, but neither of us knew it at the time. I'll expand upon those lessons in another post.
It is enough for me, for tonight, that I made a start. I will check in tomorrow after I've had my coffee and see what surfaces.
Now that I've introduced myself, it brings me back to the name of this blog. It is my goal to write commentary that will be entertaining and useful for the masculine leaning side of the transgender community. I write from the perspective of an individual who was born into a female body who does not identify with the female sex. My gender identification is decidedly "male," although that term means many different things to many different individuals. Although I write from this perspective, it is also my intention that anyone who is not trans masculine identified, will enjoy reading and learning from this blog, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, race, etc.. I sat for a while and pondered what I'd like the FTM to stand for. Female to Male was the obvious implication, but what else could I make of it. For The Men, Fuck That Man, Feel The Movement, From The Mouth, Feel That Muscle, Fondle This Mustache. I could go on forever. FTM will remain a constant, but I'll change the biline here and there just to keep it interesting and to reflect my state of mind, like a textual mood ring. But the inaugural title must be dedicated to my father.
Of all the male role models I've identified with in my lifetime, he above all others, is my template for masculinity. I haven't told my parents that I am transgendered, yet. I hope to do it in the next few days. I just started coming out. I've just started a lot of things, with many more firsts to come. With all of these firsts come daily learning experiences. The observations are endless. Every time I walk out the door it's like going to Boy School. I wish my father could be here. I wish he could teach me everything I should have learned these last 37 years. He has taught me some secrets over the years, but neither of us knew it at the time. I'll expand upon those lessons in another post.
It is enough for me, for tonight, that I made a start. I will check in tomorrow after I've had my coffee and see what surfaces.
